Well, here we are...30 weeks. I'm not entirely sure why this feels like such a huge milestone to me, but it does. Maybe because I'm now 3/4 of the way through this pregnancy. Maybe it is because the count down is now into single digit weeks (9 weeks 6 days left until due date). Maybe because 30 sounds so much farther along than 29 for some reason. Probably all of the above.
Everything is fine. I lead with that when there is a story to tell that may have you worried. I'm fine. Q is fine. J and M are fine. Everything and everyone is fine. :) So now the update. Sunday after church, I noticed that I hadn't been feeling Q as much. I've mentioned how active he is, so that is rare. Even in the morning, he is usually pretty active. I got a little nervous, but he "woke up" around 3-4ish and started his usual levels of movement. So when I noticed that he wasn't moving as much Monday morning, I got a little concerned, but figured he'd wake up and be back at it around the same time. Except he didn't. 4:00 came, then 5:00. I got worried. I called my ob/gyn's office and spoke to a receptionist who I am sure meant well. She told me Q was probably asleep and that she could put me through to leave a message with a nurse, but that they might not get back to me until Tuesday morning. Seeing as I had an appointment scheduled with my ob/gyn Tuesday morning, it didn't make much sense to wait for a phone call that would likely come an hour or so before I'd see the doctor himself. J got home around 5:30 and Q still wasn't moving much. He'd half-heartedly respond to a poke with a lazy kick if anything. He barely responded to juice at all, same with me laying on my left side. All those are the go-to's for "waking up" baby. His movement was within the thresholds for "safe" but it was such a drastic change for him that I was worried.
When J got home, we decided to go to a local "ambulatory care center" (read: ER w/o a hospital) that is about 5 minutes away from our house. The staff there were nice and didn't make me feel silly for coming to get checked. They did a Doppler and got the heartbeat right away. His heart rate was healthy and well within normal ranges at 145-150. That got me feeling better. He is far enough along that even if this was an emergency, he could be delivered and have a near-100% chance of survival. At this point, his development is almost entirely weight gain and practicing daily bodily functions. They did an ultrasound, but I wasn't allowed to look at the screen and never did get to see any of the images. Everything looked fine, though, from what we heard and the tech let me know that his weight looked to be 3lbs 9 oz. (which would be around 2 weeks ahead, but weight in ultrasound can be very off). However, the doctor on staff wanted to call my ob/gyn to make sure they didn't want me to go in to the hospital for a non-stress test (NST). The ambulatory care center doesn't have fetal monitors, so they couldn't do one there. The on-call for my ob/gyn's practice felt that an NST was the only real way to ensure that Q was truly fine and not in distress. The ultrasound gives us a snapshot, but an NST is done over a longer time and can better monitor heart rate and movement. This meant heading off to the hospital's new labor and delivery ward.
M was with us at the ambulatory care center and she was amazing. We brought her Kindle, some toys, books, and snacks. She was well-behaved and sweet the entire time. We didn't want her to have to be at the hospital, since she probably wouldn't sleep and had school the next morning. So we called J's mom. She came over to our house bearing a Happy Meal for M and put her to bed after she ate. We are very grateful that she was able to come on such short notice. The ambulatory care staff called ahead, so L&D was expecting us. We got to go straight there and right in to a room. The nurse strapped me up to the monitors and before she could get all my info in the computer, she had to re-position one because Q kept wiggling out from underneath it. His heart rate was fine again and his movement was great. However, my blood pressure was higher than they wanted. So then, I got focused on making myself relax every time I felt the cuff go off (every 15 minutes...ugh) which only made my blood pressure higher. The first test for pre-eclampsia was negative, but they wanted to be sure, so blood work was ordered. The blood work came back fine and I was able to calm myself down, which brought my blood pressure back to within normal range. It was nice listening to Q's heartbeat for 4ish hours, though it was late when we got home. The funniest was when he got the hiccups and we could hear them over the monitor. I have been able to feel them for several weeks now, but this was new for J. We both shared a few smiles and laughs as he hiccuped on and off for around 15 minutes.
Honestly, the best part, and this may seem strange, was the staff. Our nurse was the nurse-in-training who cared for us all day the day Puff was born. We remembered her immediately and once we told her our story, she remembered us, too. We laughed and teared up a bit remembering that day. I made sure to tell her how much her kindness that day meant to us. She and her co-worker really made such a huge difference to us and left a lasting impact. She just had a baby of her own and has only been back at work 3 weeks, so she said it meant a lot to her to know that she was making an impact when she was away from her baby. It was like being cared for by a good friend, which was hugely comforting. The on-call doctor in L&D was the same doctor who delivered Puff, also. That may have something to do with why my blood pressure was higher when he was in the room...just a thought. He was also very nice and comforting, as he was that night with Puff, too. He told me that he was glad I came in and to always come in if I'm worried. They would rather have me in L&D on monitors for a few hours than anxious at home. He also told me that, given my history, I definitely get extra points in my "crazy allowance." He smiled as he said it and made sure I knew that he was joking...but also serious. He reminded me that any woman who has been in my shoes has the right to freak out now and then and that I should always feel free to come in to L&D, but not to bother going to the ambulatory care center.
So we were released around 1:30 am and drove home. J's mom headed back to her house, despite our insistence that she sleep in our guest room for the night. Later I saw that she had washed a bunch of the larger dishes in my sink. If you read this, thank you a ton! It was so helpful! So in bed a bit after 2:00, and back up at 6:00 to get J ready for work and M ready for school. I had an appointment scheduled with my ob/gyn for 9:20, so I went pretty much straight there. He wasn't very worried about my blood pressure readings from the night before, chalking it up to anxiety, especially since it got back down to normal last night and was normal at his office that morning. He did want to see me in one week instead of the usual two just to be safe. I'm ok with that! He wasn't happy with what the receptionist told me the day before, but his nurse was especially angry when I told her. "Of course we would have called you back yesterday! Reduced fetal movement is an emergency! She should know that. Next time, you don't bother with her, sweetie! You just tell her you want to talk to me or the other nurse and we'll call you right back. I'm so sorry!!" She was really upset! My ob/gyn said the reduced movement was likely because Q has shifted positions and sleeps more, though he also said I did the right thing by coming in. "Always get checked if you're worried!"
So the walk continues, though much slower today since we're all so tired. Early bedtimes for the whole family tonight. I may walk slower, but I walk a little more confidently. I am proud that I listened to my gut, even if Q ended up being fine. I am proud of J for standing with me and helping me decide to go, and for reinforcing that there is no cost too high for my piece of mind. I am glad for good interactions with hospital and office staff. And I'm mostly glad that Q is doing so well. 9 weeks and 6 days until due date, sweet boy!
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
Just the Pregnancy Talking
Ok, I'm going to preface this post. I am 29 weeks and 2 days pregnant and I am definitely big. I compared my 28 week "belly bump" picture with Q to my picture from the same time with M and geez. It is insane. I looked closer to my 34 week picture with her. We know Q was measuring at least 11 days ahead, but I don't really know for sure how big he is now. He may have slowed down some and let the weeks catch up some (which I doubt because of my size), he may hold steady at 11 days ahead, or he may have kept gaining days. But yes, I am huge. Yes, I am probably the same size now as some women when they go into labor, especially with their first child. Also, as I've mentioned before, Q is not only big, but he is active!
I am super grateful to be growing such a healthy, active boy. And if he stays healthy and active when he is born, that is fine with J and me! All the kicks are reassuring and knowing that he is ahead of schedule on his growth helps me feel more at ease, especially as his development becomes more and more about him gaining weight and size and less about him gaining necessary skills to survive in the outside world. I'm also kinda proud, because I haven't gained a ton of weight, despite how large I am.
End preface, start rant:: Y'all, having a large active baby can be darned uncomfortable! He kicks and rolls and pushes and I swear he is just going to "Alien" right out of my stomach one of these days and we still have 10+ weeks to go! It is daunting some days. My hips hurt, my abs (what is left of my abs anyway) hurt, though thankfully my back is ok. Sleeping is a challenge. Poor J has had to take over a lot of household tasks because I can't bend over well and getting up from sitting on our old sofa is a major challenge. I am super grateful and I wouldn't change it, but I have to be real. This pregnancy has been much more physically and emotionally draining than my pregnancy with M.
Also, we all know this, but strangers feel the need to comment on things that are none of their business. Yesterday, I had four...FOUR people comment on my size. Two asked if I'm having twins when they found out my due date isn't tomorrow. One neighbor called out "boy, you sure have that waddle going on" (REALLY???) and one asked "geez, is that baby ever going to come?" (nope, gonna cross my legs really tight and keep him there, because I enjoy being uncomfortable, sore, and subjected to comments from almost total strangers). One person was someone I just met not two minutes before he asked if I was having twins. Hadn't even told him I was pregnant. The other three are neighbors I've had conversations with, but I don't really *know* any of them well.
Y'all please. If you don't know if someone is pregnant, don't ever, ever, EVER ask. See this YouTube clip for the rule (sorry for the poor video quality). Brian Regan - When's That Baby Due? If you do know someone is pregnant, don't comment on her size and don't speculate about anything...gender, due date, multiples, etc. You don't know her story, you don't know what she's been through to get this baby. You don't know if she has had a loss and is experiencing gender disappointment. You don't know if she is having one of those days where she wonders if she'll make it to the due date this time and actually get to take her baby home in a car seat. You don't know if she struggled to conceive or had multiples but one died, so your off-handed remark about twins hits a sore spot. I'm assuming that, if you do know these things for sure, you know to keep your comments to yourself.
I am so proud of my big belly and my active son. For some reason, though, four people I barely know commenting in one day made me feel a little less bright, a little less happy, a little less proud. It was frustrating. The feeling was fleeting each time, don't worry. My doctor is happy with my growth and Q's. Both my ob/gyn and several MFMs have told me that Q's size is a good indicator of health. I know I'm pregnant. I know I'm big. I don't need comments to make me aware of those things. Part of me wanted to get either very sarcastic or very real with these people. "You try walking the dog with a baby this big growing off your front. It hurts sometimes, so waddle or not, I'm glad I can be active and do what is best for my baby and me." "No, it isn't twins, though what a blessing that would be, especially after we had three babies die in the pregnancies before this one." "Yes, he will be born eventually, but hopefully not stillborn early like his brother. Thankfully, we've passed the point of miscarriage like his other brother and one sister, but we know too well that we are never out of the woods. So we're hoping he comes happy and healthy as close to his due date as possible." I didn't say any of those things, though. I tried to be kind, though my frustration may have been obvious (I'm ok with that...). "No, it isn't twins. One boy, but he is measuring ahead and we are thankful he is healthy." "Yes, he'll be here when the time is right." The waddle comment just got a semi-forced laugh and a wave. Maybe one time, I'll snap and either cry or unload every ounce of stress from this pregnancy after loss. I hope not, because that poor person won't deserve it, not really. These people didn't deserve the answers my sarcastic nature and pregnancy hormones wanted to give, so I held it in. I'm glad I did, though others may disagree.
I'm asking you, dear reader...please consider your words before you speak them. If you wouldn't say them to a loved one who has had a loss, to someone who is sensitive, then just don't say them. There are plenty of things to say. "Congratulations!" "How wonderful!" "I'm so happy for you!" "If there's anything you need, let me know!" "How are you feeling?" "You look beautiful/glowing/healthy/happy." Other comments may not be as funny/helpful as you think and may in fact be quite hurtful.
End Rant:: So here I am, waddling down this road with my huge belly. Large, proud, and making it. Day by day, waddling step by waddling step, lol. Doing my best to keep my sarcasm directed at those who earn it and can handle it and my pregnancy hormones from making me even more insane than I already am. 10 weeks and 5 days left until due date, little man. Hang in there, not much time left before we meet face-to-face!
I am super grateful to be growing such a healthy, active boy. And if he stays healthy and active when he is born, that is fine with J and me! All the kicks are reassuring and knowing that he is ahead of schedule on his growth helps me feel more at ease, especially as his development becomes more and more about him gaining weight and size and less about him gaining necessary skills to survive in the outside world. I'm also kinda proud, because I haven't gained a ton of weight, despite how large I am.
End preface, start rant:: Y'all, having a large active baby can be darned uncomfortable! He kicks and rolls and pushes and I swear he is just going to "Alien" right out of my stomach one of these days and we still have 10+ weeks to go! It is daunting some days. My hips hurt, my abs (what is left of my abs anyway) hurt, though thankfully my back is ok. Sleeping is a challenge. Poor J has had to take over a lot of household tasks because I can't bend over well and getting up from sitting on our old sofa is a major challenge. I am super grateful and I wouldn't change it, but I have to be real. This pregnancy has been much more physically and emotionally draining than my pregnancy with M.
Also, we all know this, but strangers feel the need to comment on things that are none of their business. Yesterday, I had four...FOUR people comment on my size. Two asked if I'm having twins when they found out my due date isn't tomorrow. One neighbor called out "boy, you sure have that waddle going on" (REALLY???) and one asked "geez, is that baby ever going to come?" (nope, gonna cross my legs really tight and keep him there, because I enjoy being uncomfortable, sore, and subjected to comments from almost total strangers). One person was someone I just met not two minutes before he asked if I was having twins. Hadn't even told him I was pregnant. The other three are neighbors I've had conversations with, but I don't really *know* any of them well.
Y'all please. If you don't know if someone is pregnant, don't ever, ever, EVER ask. See this YouTube clip for the rule (sorry for the poor video quality). Brian Regan - When's That Baby Due? If you do know someone is pregnant, don't comment on her size and don't speculate about anything...gender, due date, multiples, etc. You don't know her story, you don't know what she's been through to get this baby. You don't know if she has had a loss and is experiencing gender disappointment. You don't know if she is having one of those days where she wonders if she'll make it to the due date this time and actually get to take her baby home in a car seat. You don't know if she struggled to conceive or had multiples but one died, so your off-handed remark about twins hits a sore spot. I'm assuming that, if you do know these things for sure, you know to keep your comments to yourself.
I am so proud of my big belly and my active son. For some reason, though, four people I barely know commenting in one day made me feel a little less bright, a little less happy, a little less proud. It was frustrating. The feeling was fleeting each time, don't worry. My doctor is happy with my growth and Q's. Both my ob/gyn and several MFMs have told me that Q's size is a good indicator of health. I know I'm pregnant. I know I'm big. I don't need comments to make me aware of those things. Part of me wanted to get either very sarcastic or very real with these people. "You try walking the dog with a baby this big growing off your front. It hurts sometimes, so waddle or not, I'm glad I can be active and do what is best for my baby and me." "No, it isn't twins, though what a blessing that would be, especially after we had three babies die in the pregnancies before this one." "Yes, he will be born eventually, but hopefully not stillborn early like his brother. Thankfully, we've passed the point of miscarriage like his other brother and one sister, but we know too well that we are never out of the woods. So we're hoping he comes happy and healthy as close to his due date as possible." I didn't say any of those things, though. I tried to be kind, though my frustration may have been obvious (I'm ok with that...). "No, it isn't twins. One boy, but he is measuring ahead and we are thankful he is healthy." "Yes, he'll be here when the time is right." The waddle comment just got a semi-forced laugh and a wave. Maybe one time, I'll snap and either cry or unload every ounce of stress from this pregnancy after loss. I hope not, because that poor person won't deserve it, not really. These people didn't deserve the answers my sarcastic nature and pregnancy hormones wanted to give, so I held it in. I'm glad I did, though others may disagree.
I'm asking you, dear reader...please consider your words before you speak them. If you wouldn't say them to a loved one who has had a loss, to someone who is sensitive, then just don't say them. There are plenty of things to say. "Congratulations!" "How wonderful!" "I'm so happy for you!" "If there's anything you need, let me know!" "How are you feeling?" "You look beautiful/glowing/healthy/happy." Other comments may not be as funny/helpful as you think and may in fact be quite hurtful.
End Rant:: So here I am, waddling down this road with my huge belly. Large, proud, and making it. Day by day, waddling step by waddling step, lol. Doing my best to keep my sarcasm directed at those who earn it and can handle it and my pregnancy hormones from making me even more insane than I already am. 10 weeks and 5 days left until due date, little man. Hang in there, not much time left before we meet face-to-face!
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